2020!

So this year is the first time I have really ever watched the Olympics and I just thought this video was epic. I really enjoyed watching Phelps and Adrian do their thing in the swim competitions. Adrian’s smile is so wonderful and sparkly! Watching the gymnastics I began to question my lack of ‘go get it attitude’, those people really pushed the envelope. I applaud all the people who pushed their bodies to the limit and do such incredible things. I will say to NBC, even if USA didn’t win, can you please interview the winners? Goodness.^^

Oh and thanks Brazil! Your country and people are amazing!

Though now I’m also really excited for the Olympics in Japan. I’m really thinking of going and when I told a friend about it they got very excited. It helps that he lives in Japan! He has a whole plan on how to cater to me.^^ When he was in the U.S. I did it for him and now to have the chance to pay me back? Haha he seems very happy. It is 4 years away but still he is happy. And I’m happy too. I really want to learn Japanese and this seems to be a good reason to press in. Maybe I will be able to surprise him and speak his language by that time? Hahaha it would be epic.

A crush

I wanted to say something that I find I am not really allowed to say.

I have a crush on 2 young men.
I will never marry or be in a relationship with them, 1 is already taken anyway. But they are both beautifully fantastic. They would not be good partners for me and I would not be good for them in the long run.
Yet in still, their faces bring delight to me.

I often have these delights in people and they pass like the wind or sometimes they are more like seasons, their perfume lasting a bit longer but still they fade.
My friends and family understand this but are unsympathetic. ….I didn’t realize how much this has hurt me until just now. Hm.

I do not think that feelings are wrong, I simply do not want those feelings to lead me in my life. I can be tempestuous, my life needs to have a steady heading to weather it in a world that is so much worse.
Yet I do want to acknowledge my feelings as well. I don’t need them to know it in the same way that I don’t need for those I am angry at to know my feelings until they are steady in my hand. Having them as friends suits me. I adore the stars and yet to bury myself into one would be to burn. My adoration and affection is fine from a far.

I have loved once and I will never do it again with someone who is not the partner I need. It is not simply to have sex or be romantic that I seek a relationship. The KIND of care and connection is just as important as, well, as an electrical plug when you travel outside of your country. The connection matters or it could short the device. Me.

I am tempted to delete this whole thing, no one knows who I speak of and yet to say it is still a blush moment. The feeling right before a roller coaster starts I may say.

I like someone!

These writings I have said are akin to screaming at the ocean that is the internet and I have found solace in this. Yet still, a stray word could float on the wind and carry to someone’s ear. Suddenly my pronouncement is a things and then the questions come of which I do enjoy questions but what will be my answer? Do I want to give an answer? When I first told people I was a writer they began to talk about publishing. That would be like talking to a child and asking them about what firm they want to join when they are older. You are missing years and years of school, work, play and dreaming of the future.

This here, online, has been my playtime even as it has touched tender areas. That is what I have sought as people have said, look for a passion that you would do for free. Writing is my passion. Stories, people, God, food, tea, these too are my passions. Art, love, fun, they are my tools.
Any partner I have would need to honor these things. but these are other matters.
The matter that stands before me is the years I have spent pushing down my feelings and turning my soul into rot. The years I spent fearing a sin of lust that really only once came in my remembrance. After diligently seeking out what lust is, I have found that only once have I even ever dined in this area of the mind. Yet many, because of their own sin have led me false into a world of fear at every muscled arm, quirky smile or hint of wit or intelligence. Is God so weak that he cannot help me to overcome lust if and when it arrives?

He has always taken care of me even when it was simply to keep me safe and survive. I would think he would also see me thrive. In this I do not wish to be afraid of my feelings anymore., nor allow them to be diminished for whatever the reason. Now excuse me as I go repeat this to my self 50 times over until it sticks. 😉

A reminder of thanks

A family friend asked me what I was doing with my time lately. Abhor those questions. Might as well ask me the meaning of life (42) and I’d have a better answer.

Yet I told him I was writing, even though they are meager beginnings. He then suggested I write reviews on the books I have read. As I have not found my voice I questioned him on such a path. He then advised that starting a journey can help you to find your voice in a way that staying home never could.

So here I am, writing about manga, books and movies. If only I could review humans! I love them so much that it would be wonderful to sit and simply review them. 4 stars for Kipp! Hahaha. What an interesting life turn that would make. Facebook is kind of like that but we embellish on there so much that I’m not quite sure that would be helpful. I think of those who would write about me, what would they say? I know that it would be mostly positive… but it wouldn’t be the fullness of who I am. Sure it would sound nice.

I wanted this post to be a little less bitter sounding, so I will change my tone.

I just wanted to make a note of the moment that may change me, that has changed me already. In the few days that I have started to write again I have found a level of clarity about a few things that were at sea to me. I feel a rush of wind in my lungs as I yell out at the sea of the internet. Though I do not think I am heard it is still the sweetest serenity that engulfs me. Some have a piano or guitar, my words are enough for me.

The words that are harsh to my soul but are like a fire coming out of me are soothed by the break of a review. One day I will thank him but to thank him would be to show my hand of doing this at all and I’m not prepared for this. This post is a reminder that one day I will thank him. It is not an explanation of what I am doing, for I believe one of my rules was against that.

I wonder though if this will be enough, will my words be enough of a thanks to those who have cared for me and shown me new paths. We shall see. ^^

 

 

Food Wars!

http://www.goodreads.com/series/154220-food-wars-shokugeki-no-soma-la-carte

Honestly one of my favorite manga….hmmm they are all kind of my favorite in a way….no matter.

This is Shokugeki no Soma it has 4 people involved and instead of just one. This is normal in a manga. A person can have a good story but not be much of an illustrator. (I’m like this. Not detail oriented enough for it.) Yuto Tsukuda (original creator), Shun Saeki (illustrator, Yuki Morisaki (chef) and Michiko Itou (author). How cool is that? To have an actual chef involved in order to better portray the food.

And BOY does it portray the food well.

The story is about a young man who enters into an elite cooking school that puts out the finest chefs in the entire world. They are not elite in that thy are wealthy either. They are elite because they are given the best and pushed to the brink. Like diamonds made from coal their brilliance is brought out.

I will warn that it can be a bit ecchi, meaning that the people can sometimes be kind of naked but in a way that stirs the senses but doesn’t involve sex. Like a Carl’s Jr. ad! Most of the time it is all about the food but then suddenly a person tastes the food and the food is so good they are propelled into this food orgasm where their clothes are off. I have made it a bit more poetic and erotic but I wanted to say it this way so you are not so completely thrown or surprised.

This story explores the full realm of cooking but with a knowledge that only a chef could bring. As a foodie, and with a family member who is a chef, I was not only surprised by the wealth of knowledge but impressed as well. I have even brought out my own pan after seeing the wonderful karaage, which is just fried popcorn chicken but they marinate it before so it adds a layer of flavor that is powerful.

The story is not complete, as most mangas aren’t but you can reach a stopping point if it bothers you. (When Yukihara’s hair changes you should stop.)

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, it is a good read but gets so exciting at times that you will want to call a friend and see if they know about something in it or you may want to try it yourself. It really isn’t a ‘rainy day’ book. It’s a ‘sunny day’ book when you have a chance to go to the supermarket and grab some items and try it at home. ^^

Your thoughts?

 

So……yeah this is a great idea in principle but I also see this as something else. When I have said “I accept your apology’ to someone in the past. There’s this look that crosses their face.

“How dare you”

“You were actually mad? Whatever!”

“Who do you think you are, high and mighty princess!”

“What do you want from me?”

It’s as if they don’t really believe that this is a problem until you say that and then, more often then not, they get affronted by this.

Maybe it’s just the bad people I’ve dealt with in the pat, I don’t know but I do think that it is hard work to deal with people. It’s the ridicule that makes one stop. Must I fight for EVERYTHING? I really don’t mind that…..

No wait a minute! I do! I do mind that everything I have to say has to be neutered for everyone’s personal pain. WE ALL HAVE PAIN! But instead of helping each other, empathizing and being positive we let all the people who have ever messed us up, mess up all the other relationships we have.

And I don’t want that anymore.

I’m gonna need a second to think about this…

Angry rant game

So when I first saw this I was VERY intrigued. Then a friend came over and I thought YEEEESSSSSS. ‘Let’s do this thing!'(hmmmm….I all of a sudden don’t remember where this quote came from….OH Ratatouille!)

Either way, she didn’t think it would work so her first choice was ‘leaves’. It was fantastic, I started in about leaves on the ground, all in the way, and had her laughing. I called my mum since I knew she could do it to and she starts in on ‘Carbon’ and makes it sound so convincing my friend is shaking from laughter. My friend got ‘oranges’ and man I she actually had something to say about it! TOO EASY!

It is so fun to have a game where you do something so normal to life but not take it seriously. I thought how great is it to let off some steam and not have to be thinking of hurting someone’s feelings or to be ACTUALLY angry at something.

I even showed my friend how to be more positively passionate instead of negatively angry.

I often get mad and then I have nowhere to take my anger; having this game was therapeutic. The world is not a nice place and so to have a place to release all the pent up emotion is my newest way to ‘be angry and sin not’.

I look forward to new un games and ways to release emotion without hurting myself or others, it is truly something I wish to avoid from now on.

Movie vs remake 1

 

In 2014 Bollywood made “Bang Bang”, a story about a thief who steals the Kohinoor diamond and the woman who he falls in love with  along the way. He gets her involved in all his problems which would be great if she were a spy but she’s just a regular woman who is looking for love. What a fun love story. Corny throughout but fun! Even has  some great dancing throughout!

In 2010, Hollywood made Knight and Day, the story about a double agent who stole a battery that can last forever and the woman he meets and falls in love with along the way. He gets her involved in all his problems which would be great if she were a spy but she’s just a regular woman who is looking for love. What a fun love story. Additional funny because it is actually a parody off all of Tom Cruise’s spy movies like Mission Impossible.

…..Good lord! How many movies are like this? ‘No Strings Attached’ with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher came out at the exact time as ‘Friends with Benefits with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. The first in January of 2011 and the 2nd in July of 2011. That is just too much.

‘Olympus has Fallen’ and ‘White House Down’ are my favorites however. How do you get a movie that close?

Yet it isn’t that strange. When I was in high school I thought of a good book where the moon moves closer to the planet, within 3 years a book had come out that talked about my same concept. Not as exact sure but still we all have ideas that can come around the same time, don’t know why, but it sure gives a fun moment for a good conspiracy theory.

There are a lot of Bolly-Holly crossovers so I wanted to bring up a few of my favorites over time. And to clarify, in this case, The Bollywood is better, though corny, and the Hollywood is a ton funnier.

Catch ya later.

One Piece

So this week has been a bit heavy so I thought let’s take another break. Life is wonderful in that way. Often we have chances to provide ourselves with respite, and I highly encourage it. Some would say that it is simply running from your problems and I agree. To run away is a form of freedom and life. I can enjoy more than one lifetime if I do so. ^^

 https://www.goodreads.com/series/57193-one-piece

This one of my favorite manga and is by Eiichiro Oda. I read it quite on a whim but fell in silly love with it. It was light, sometimes vulgar, always stupidly funny but had a deep heart to it.

The story is about a young man who decides he wants to be the Pirate King and he gathers quite a few friends and enemies a long his way.

The twist? This boy don’t know how to be a pirate! He ain’t no pirate! LOL He’s a young guy who just wants adventure and doesn’t want to have to be the ‘savior’ along the way. He’s Iron Man to be honest. He OFTEN saves people, but he doesn’t want to be Captain America. One of the best things he says (not a direct quote) is that he doesn’t want to be a hero because heroes have to share their meat. (His addiction) His first mate later brings this up verbatim saying he doesn’t want to be a hero because he doesn’t want to share his alcohol!

I guess I really love this story because:

1. Sometimes you just need superficial fun.
2. I love adventure….and pirates.
3. I don’t want to be the hero, I want to keep my books and save when I am able.
4. The characters are SO unique.
5. Luffy  and everyone on the ship may be goofy but they have good hearts. They remind of my family in this.

Is it vulgar and violent? Yes. PG-13? Most of the time, sometimes it can be a bit R rated honestly. Sexual? Ummm the character are dressed scantily but sex doesn’t happen. I’d say if you are sick for a bit and just need to stay awake but are too medicated for something like War and Peace, go for this. You will get hooked and will continue after your sick.

Enjoy!

Oh and this is my favorite character:

His name is Tony Tony Chopper and he’s the ships doctor.
Also the sweetest reindeer ever.

A treasure or a Human?

“So, let’s take a look at some of the “secrets” of what it means to be an INFJ personality type”

-By Jenn Granneman
http://introvertdear.com/2014/12/03/secrets-of-the-infj/

When I first found this website I was taken aback, how do these people know me? Yet this particular article left me, as a friend often says, “feeling some kind of way.”

The article presents the intricacies of the hidden INFJ way and with only 1-2% of the population (depending on if we are talking the world or America) that makes sense. That is akin to knowing about the Spruce bud worm from ‘The Desk Set’. (Great movie with Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Watch if you get a chance.)

Jeopardy is a show about knowing trivia from around the globe. Some things are useless like what was George Washington’s favorite color, others are more  stand out like the year of the Great Depression and the thing that helped to stop it.

Yet in all that ….knowledge…knowing people…is a very low necessity.

Knowing me…is a low necessity.

I am a secret to be unlocked instead of a person to be enjoyed. I am some mystical being from the comic books like Jean Grey, or her alter ego, The Phoenix. I am an exotic rare creature to be enjoyed on special occasions rather than a human being that needs help, support and love.

I take no fault with the article nor its writer. I call out the people who make a person seem as low valued as a diamond instead of priceless as a human being.

Sure, yeah

Introverts With Social Anxiety, Do You Relate to These Comics?

 

This is one of the most defining comics I have seen in a long time.
‘You can be anything you want to be, as long as it is OUR way.’

I want to be a writer for the rest of my life BUT ACCORDING TO PEOPLE that won’t make me any money and isn’t a real career.
I want to be a stay at home wife so I can work on my writing with impunity BUT ACCORDING TO PEOPLE  I am too intelligent to just be some man’s wife.
I want to be a Christian who is so in love with God it falls from my very pores BUT ACCORDING TO PEOPLE  I can’t be too spiritual or show it off and make people feel less than.
I want to have adventures and love myself BUT ACCORDING TO PEOPLE that is selfish and I should be caring for other people.
I want to love Christians who are hurting just like I was and am and help them to see the true love of God as he is and not as people say BUT ACCORDING TO PEOPLE  I can only help those who are poor and not Christian because everyone else is fine.

I have so many things I want to be, experience and enjoy but instead I am relegated to the norm and inconsequential. I am shamed for following my God-given path. I am pushed away as a saint by my peers or sneered at by those who only see my youth.

I want to be part of the magical, improbable, fantastic and awesome, in all sizes that it carries and in my season. I want to be celebrated for doing this and encouraged. I am a growing saint just like everyone else who is a Christian, as GOD calls me not as I say. Paul talks to Timothy, comforting him because people look down on him because he’s ‘too young to run a church’ ….I’m just trying to enjoy my life.

That….that can’t be wrong right?