Today I just wanted (needed) a good laugh. So please enjoy this Arrow episode if you need one too.
There’s a reason we read and watch TV and play video games and that’s to experience things that aren’t necessarily a part of our everyday life.
When we say that we ONLY did certain things like play video games or ONLY read a book then it begins to desensitize the experience and enjoyment of those things.
We are creators and producers by nature and so when we do things that don’t produce anything but enjoyment or is attached to entertainment, something inside us thinks that this is inherently wrong.
Last night, I was wasn’t feeling well and I spent most of the night awake trying to take pills, not be uncomfortable or scream in frustration. So I woke up at 2 p.m. and to anyone else looking in from the outside they might just see me waking up at 2 o’clock because most likely if we were to have a conversation I would simply say that I wasn’t feeling well or that I woke up at 2 and I’d laugh. As if that was all that went on we take away so many of the details that were left with …less.
Yesterday, I was able to enjoy a movie called Dear Zindagi a Bollywood with Shahrukh Khan. I will talk all about it because it was very personal for me but one of the things that was brought up is that we are told not to cry we are told not to be angry or hate and then somewhere in there when we go to love we have no idea how to do that. Because emotions are emotions and it doesn’t matter if they’re negative or positive if you stop one or half of them then how do you relate to the other half.
I bring this up because …for many reasons.
I like video games and I like them because of what I can do with them that I can’t do here. I can’t go to a different galaxy we just don’t have those tools right now. I can’t fly around in a spaceship i dont have enough money for that. I Read Manga for its impossibilities and romance for the sheer amount of possibilities. I watch Bollywood because they are so often sweet and innocent. I watch Korean dramas because they’re often fun and playful.
The point is there are tons of paths that I can’t commit my entire life to, but I want to enjoy.
…and disregarding them seems as bad as disregarding whatevery else is special to me.
My conclusion? I think I need to start making things that are important to me…special and not let others define it negatively or neutrally.
I’m not gonna finish this book….
My heart wanders looking for its home.
Today my pastor spoke on things that satisfy you. Your gifts and talents that once finished are like living water to your soul.
When I have one on one conversations with friends and I minister to them, flowing in the spirit or even when they minister to me, I am satisfied. When I made that notebook for the first time, I was completely high on satisfaction.
Yet…this was the first times I had felt such things.
I have prophesied for hours, spwaking in tongues and english. I have spent hours dancing and singing, for God or myself. I have done tons of ministry and work of all kinds…and none has given me that satisfaction he talked about.
Today I’m reading this book and this highlighted part sticks out.
The things that call to me I have ignored because they weren’t “Christian enough” or would make money. The things I am good at are not necessarily things I like or enjoy doing.
Asking God he said I’m right where I need to be, but still I have this hunger inside of me that burns and yearns to be filled.
….And my heart wanders looking for its home.
So ‘the tasting menu’ prompted this picture. I got a sweet tooth halfway through and this is what happened.
Honestly, I wasn’t im pressed with the movie. As a foodie, I love movies and shows about food, books not so much because food is a food percentage about the senses and not just the mind.
This movie ZOOMED past all the food and then would not say what anything but 2 dishes were. I had to guess about the rest and even then I have no clue if I was correct.
Maybe the story was supposed to be about the people, but there wasnt enough there to be as interesting, not enough surprise. And the usual artsy way to handle it wasn’t there either. I can’t dismiss the enjoyable artsy way a movie can softly focus on the people and their lives and then focus on gently on the food, but this didn’t do that. Everything was too close and in-depth in the wrong places, to the point of discomfort. I wish they had focused the movie like they did the ending, maybe even had sweeping camera angles around the restaurant and people so you get the food and people in groupings instead of one at a time. Their personal stories didn’t have enough information for me to want to focus so much on them.
Well, another day.
I watched this heavily cursing Anna Akana video about having sex the first night.
Having sex has always been a topic that fills me with all kinds of feels.
My parents told me having any sex before marriage would make the guy secretly hate you. My friends told me sex wasn’t all that special, but still something normal…like cafeteria food. My older “siblings” told me sex was fun, but when they talked about it it seemed more like a chore they got used to and most days secretly hated. And the guys I met quickly showed that if I did have sex with them that it would solely be about them and they wouldn’t care about me at all.
So, I decided to focus on other stuff.
Too much hassle and I’m not exactly the most emotionally well-adjusted person out there. *triggers flashback* Good lord, no.
I wanted sex to be about me too, and I can barely make friends pay attention to my needs when it doesn’t include what they like or tell them they are stepping on my toes.
Ms. Akana brings up a good point though, why do I have to stop having sex with a guy simply to keep some mystery or whatever you’re trying to do in your life. If a guy is this dumb as to stop going with a woman who is actually enjotting sex with him, he’s thinking of sex and me all wrong. I’m a trophy, not a partner who is trying to gauge compatability of bodies and intimacy.
I get that guys are ‘hunter gatherers’ to most people, but I don’t want a caveman for a partner. I live in the 21st century and it’s the ‘age of the geek, baby’. I want a hero, but the kind I need. I don’t need a guy who can leap over a building, I need a guy who will be there when everything has gone wrong and I need someone to turn off the running water, hold me till I stop crying and then break out the candy or ice cream as we figure out what to do next. And yes, that hero may also get laid that night, but it won’t be as thank you, that’s not how I roll. Nor should I have to like all those “nice guys” think. (Other line of thinking entirely.)
I guess what I’m thinking is, I want someone who will have a conversation about sex and if we aren’t reading the same book, say ‘adios, muchachos’ no problems or games. And if we are in the same book, then let’s keep talking!
This whole thing has really been bothering me for so many years. I love hearing mature thoughts on the matter
Who knew this was a thing? I’m so used to just may the 4th!
Found my favorite Asari:
….or maybe not. Peebee is sincerely growing on me. Love the random flirtation that is fun, but just that.
According to Wikipedia this came from Spain in 2006, but can go back to New York in 1999 and the whole concept is to simply promote geek culture.
This is also the day we celebrate Towel Day! If you have read ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ than that is your clue for what the day means. If you haven’t read it…spoilers, go figure it out. It is a great read or watch the movie. Not as good but when do geeks say the movie is better?
Either way, today I will walk around in full splendor with some geek shirt, or my geek shoes and a towel, firmly wrapped around my neck and enjoy my favorite hobby.
Have a great one!!