Going to FIDM

This weekend a mother asked me about my college because her daughter wishes to go there. We even made a lunch date, and usually that is just a quick ‘what did you get from it’ conversation. She was so persistent that I wanted to acquiesce…I’m usually more private and withdrawn when it comes to colleges because the people will make up their minds by themselves anyway. My words rarely have bearing.

I begin to question how I wish to talk to them. This won’t be the usual so I don’t wish to move forward with the usual either. Yet I have learned that overdoing is also not the way. I wish to hit a nice balance and not over or underwhelm. 
Pros:

  • There is a hwavy support system, they want you to do well.
  • They each you how to survive outside the classroom.
  • Everything is provided.
  • The basics are taught.
  • They expand your horizons as much as possible.
  • Teachers are great
  • The library is wonderful…but not for the books. There is so much in there, it’s wonderful.
  • There are tons of possibilities they try to hook you up with in terms of work.
  • The graduation party is VERY cool. (Go with friends though, gets boring alone.)
  • Really for art people. This one is really important. I felt stuck to a few boxes and enjoying art from my hands that was different and my own, wasn’t encouraged. Here art is encouraged and thrives. 
  • Going home and saying I colored and drew that day and had snacks: priceless.

Cons:

  • Very expensive.
  • They push loans and getting into the school too fast and too much.
  • They don’t explain materials and what they are for and do well as places to get them so well.
  • Basics and fire taught and if you are past this level it can be annoying.
  • There isn’t really a social scene, they try, but it isn’t a normal college.
  • The library’s book assortment isn’t fantastic. 
  • The time is in quartery so it is super packed.
  • Things that should be taught in all the different majors are only taught in the bachelor’s program.
  • The business side isn’t on a practical level in the fashion design and I think that can cause egos as well as future problems.
  • The fashion isn’t based on normal human people, but an ideal that very few can wear in actuality.
  • There isn’t a cafeteria with food, but Ralph’s is across the street. 
  • Smoking area is the whole park, which may be a problem for some.
  • Hard classes that make you wonder why you chose that school and having a breakdown at few times.

There are more, but these are the basics.

U guess I wonder what the goal is for this lunch. Am I like general giving the lay of the land to the incoming captain, so they know what they are in for? She really wants to go so she seems to choose that place anyway…so what does she really need from me in particular?

Chill day

Today is light because I had literally no sleep last night. Had to go to church because I promised a friend to go out for lunch. I loved the lunch and spending time with her. We had a very chill time and I had udon for the first time. It was good, but she said it could be better. And the curry was nice and spicy.

I also got 2 notebooks from Daiso, those places are NOT created equally. 

Infj issues

As an infj, there are a lot of random issue also that come up that don’t for others. For example:

Men are great, sure, but when you are open to so many things, just one can be boring when thinking of keeping him the rest of my life. Sure he can be fun for an hour but 40 years? I doubt it.  

Then there’s this problem:

I can sound like Solomon himself, full of wisdom and brilliance, when I write or have had a week or more to think of an answer. But give me a subject and say “GO!” and I’m more like Adam Sandler with just noises coming out.

And the worst problem:

I can really see people, without them telling me a lot because I pick up emotional and physical ques. Being a Christian I recognize spiritual too. So feeling a person’s feelings, “inner demons”, or attraction is normal. But I often have to explain my own feelings to other people and it gets exhausting. To have a person who doesnt just ‘get it, but feels it too? Who I can be intimate with on all the levels and not just physical? Goodness, I might have to move to find such a one. Maybe I should go on a journey! XD

My own flowers

Today I considered what it would be like to buy my own flowers. 

Waiting for a boyfriend after so long shows that this is a better option. 

More than that, I wonder if a woman shouldn’t buy things like jewelry, lingerie, flowers and special gifts simply because that is what is good for her. I find myself so focused on expecting others to give to me as I to them like the golden rule, that when nothing is given their is lack, mistrust, bitterness and heartache. A bit akin to waiting for a prince in a tower…sure some women get this wonder early on or at all, but I am in my late twenties now and am past the idea of waiting for a man to bring me flowers. Especially  when soon I will be able to purchase me own flowers, if I like.

To only celebrate when it comes to others isn’t healthy for me. Learning to celebrate my own experience, my days in this world, that seems healthy.

The medium matters

Yesterday was really short. Summer makes me want to be outside or sleeping or painting with the good light or any number of things. Writing isn’t the thing though. 

I have been uncomfortable with writing on my phone and instead of taking the time and going on the home computer I have just been getting more and more underwhelmed and not wanting to write. 

The medium matters.

Same goes for my watercolors. I love them and mostly it’s because the come out of a tube instead of from those flat, cheap, kiddie looking things. On top of being more practical, useful and I know what I am doing with them, I am also finding that they look more professional. In other words, instead of feeling like a kid with finger paint I get to enjoy feeling like an artist with tube of paint.

I wonder what other things I have stopped doing or enjoying simply because I wasn’t using the correct medium?

I know the bible for sure I got tired of even though I love God so much. Baking also is problematic even though I love the process, but hate the idea of being foxed to bake, which is the family business. Hmm.

Tonight my father and I went for a walk ad helicopters and cops surrounded a whole block down the street. 

My father brought up telling some students that they are fortunate to live where they do where they do not have helicopters surrounding their homes periodically. Yelling around their homes to come out peacefully. Staying for hours on into the night ad they try to sleep.

Why he decided to walk towards them I am not sure. I was left with a feeling no matter the reason.

I was unfraid, but I was sorrowful. I live with this everyday. This feeling of being on guard because of the people in my neighborhood. 

There is a loss of sanctuary, safety and a bit of innocence that I wish was still mine.