Oscars, so fake

For years I have talked with my dad about awars shows. I think they are ridiculous and I couldn’t exactly explain why. Now I can:

Telling me that this is all about who is good doesn’t mean anything. Like trying to tell me that communism works. Yes, it sure does, when you take the people out of it. People are like this and trying to win the games they made up and by their rules isn’t going to cut it if you just want to make good stories come to life and that’s it. 

Zoo season 3 premiere


So the plan was to wait and right about the premiere, but I honestly am not even sure what I just got. That was a ton of confusing with a whole lot of questions.

So many secrets and this feeling of skipping books 5-8 in a series and trying to read #9. It just doesn’t work. There are new and old players for sure, but a whole lot of story that is simply missing. 

Jackson seems over his girl, Chloe dying and has a new one and…super powers? 

Mitch has 2 daughters floating around and just about died because of machoness, not on his part obvs.

Abraham is a…doctor? Which is cool with him and wifey, Dariela and son, but…why? And is the broness that is Jackson and Abraham dead?? Better not be. 

And Jamie….not even gonna start on this spy craziness. Has she gone to therapy yet? Cuz it sure doesn’t seem like it. Was that bomb meant for her or the other guy? Why are there bombs in the first place? Also if that wall thing becomes a political thing about Trump I’m just gonna walk away from the tv.

James Patterson….after reading his Maximum Ride series I begin to understand where this show is headed. I hope this ends a bit better than his first try at a stopping point that led to another book having to go through. I also wonder…does he have an agenda about population control?

On the whole it was a good first week, but I would have preffered twould hours if they were going to have so many new things thrown at the audience.

RTW: building a new life

My church has a few fun days planned for the summer and usually I think about how to participate, but lately…I have been thinking about building a new life.

I have written before about getting away, but today I thought about what prioritizing would look like. I enjoy hikes and crafts and all kinds of things. It’s one of the ways I have become so good at blending in with others. However, now I think about what it is to focus on my own pattern of living. Like…if I lived with a man *blush* and we had a night at home, would I, he or we cook? I prefer eating out, but there aren’t a lot of places near me so that would need to be considered. If I were to say a night out that I would love and be engaged with, would it include going out or staying in? With others and if so how many? 

I’m not a fan of large groups because keeping track of everyone just plain sucks, but just one or two is too much focus as well. 

I don’t have to learn what I do or don’t like, I already know. The problem is I’ve learned to squelch my need and want of pleasure. In part for others and also because I so long thought it was evil. Funny how God was the one to show me it wasn’t and people were the ones to tell me pleasure was evil. Even nonchristians would tell me that. There is a huge amount of irony when a person who isn’t a Christian tries to protect you, a christian, from doing something viewed as bad.

Catana, favorite cartoonist


So, this is kinda me, or at least the plan. So many of her cartoons are what I want with a dude. Hugs, Netflix and chill where you actually watch netflix and chill, just kinda sitting on one another to make one’s self feel better. The connection of the thing. The thing for me is that I want someone who loves this as much as I do. Who enjoys hugging to recharge and playing around the house. Not just giving hugs and such because they know it’s my love language. I’ve had friends like this, it really is….depressing. they are giving out of obligation not enjoyment and that is very hard.

Meeting a romantic partner that clicks on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual? Priceless.

Going to FIDM

This weekend a mother asked me about my college because her daughter wishes to go there. We even made a lunch date, and usually that is just a quick ‘what did you get from it’ conversation. She was so persistent that I wanted to acquiesce…I’m usually more private and withdrawn when it comes to colleges because the people will make up their minds by themselves anyway. My words rarely have bearing.

I begin to question how I wish to talk to them. This won’t be the usual so I don’t wish to move forward with the usual either. Yet I have learned that overdoing is also not the way. I wish to hit a nice balance and not over or underwhelm. 

  • There is a hwavy support system, they want you to do well.
  • They each you how to survive outside the classroom.
  • Everything is provided.
  • The basics are taught.
  • They expand your horizons as much as possible.
  • Teachers are great
  • The library is wonderful…but not for the books. There is so much in there, it’s wonderful.
  • There are tons of possibilities they try to hook you up with in terms of work.
  • The graduation party is VERY cool. (Go with friends though, gets boring alone.)
  • Really for art people. This one is really important. I felt stuck to a few boxes and enjoying art from my hands that was different and my own, wasn’t encouraged. Here art is encouraged and thrives. 
  • Going home and saying I colored and drew that day and had snacks: priceless.


  • Very expensive.
  • They push loans and getting into the school too fast and too much.
  • They don’t explain materials and what they are for and do well as places to get them so well.
  • Basics and fire taught and if you are past this level it can be annoying.
  • There isn’t really a social scene, they try, but it isn’t a normal college.
  • The library’s book assortment isn’t fantastic. 
  • The time is in quartery so it is super packed.
  • Things that should be taught in all the different majors are only taught in the bachelor’s program.
  • The business side isn’t on a practical level in the fashion design and I think that can cause egos as well as future problems.
  • The fashion isn’t based on normal human people, but an ideal that very few can wear in actuality.
  • There isn’t a cafeteria with food, but Ralph’s is across the street. 
  • Smoking area is the whole park, which may be a problem for some.
  • Hard classes that make you wonder why you chose that school and having a breakdown at few times.

There are more, but these are the basics.

U guess I wonder what the goal is for this lunch. Am I like general giving the lay of the land to the incoming captain, so they know what they are in for? She really wants to go so she seems to choose that place anyway…so what does she really need from me in particular?

Chill day

Today is light because I had literally no sleep last night. Had to go to church because I promised a friend to go out for lunch. I loved the lunch and spending time with her. We had a very chill time and I had udon for the first time. It was good, but she said it could be better. And the curry was nice and spicy.

I also got 2 notebooks from Daiso, those places are NOT created equally. 

Infj issues

As an infj, there are a lot of random issue also that come up that don’t for others. For example:

Men are great, sure, but when you are open to so many things, just one can be boring when thinking of keeping him the rest of my life. Sure he can be fun for an hour but 40 years? I doubt it.  

Then there’s this problem:

I can sound like Solomon himself, full of wisdom and brilliance, when I write or have had a week or more to think of an answer. But give me a subject and say “GO!” and I’m more like Adam Sandler with just noises coming out.

And the worst problem:

I can really see people, without them telling me a lot because I pick up emotional and physical ques. Being a Christian I recognize spiritual too. So feeling a person’s feelings, “inner demons”, or attraction is normal. But I often have to explain my own feelings to other people and it gets exhausting. To have a person who doesnt just ‘get it, but feels it too? Who I can be intimate with on all the levels and not just physical? Goodness, I might have to move to find such a one. Maybe I should go on a journey! XD

My own flowers

Today I considered what it would be like to buy my own flowers. 

Waiting for a boyfriend after so long shows that this is a better option. 

More than that, I wonder if a woman shouldn’t buy things like jewelry, lingerie, flowers and special gifts simply because that is what is good for her. I find myself so focused on expecting others to give to me as I to them like the golden rule, that when nothing is given their is lack, mistrust, bitterness and heartache. A bit akin to waiting for a prince in a tower…sure some women get this wonder early on or at all, but I am in my late twenties now and am past the idea of waiting for a man to bring me flowers. Especially  when soon I will be able to purchase me own flowers, if I like.

To only celebrate when it comes to others isn’t healthy for me. Learning to celebrate my own experience, my days in this world, that seems healthy.

The medium matters

Yesterday was really short. Summer makes me want to be outside or sleeping or painting with the good light or any number of things. Writing isn’t the thing though. 

I have been uncomfortable with writing on my phone and instead of taking the time and going on the home computer I have just been getting more and more underwhelmed and not wanting to write. 

The medium matters.

Same goes for my watercolors. I love them and mostly it’s because the come out of a tube instead of from those flat, cheap, kiddie looking things. On top of being more practical, useful and I know what I am doing with them, I am also finding that they look more professional. In other words, instead of feeling like a kid with finger paint I get to enjoy feeling like an artist with tube of paint.

I wonder what other things I have stopped doing or enjoying simply because I wasn’t using the correct medium?

I know the bible for sure I got tired of even though I love God so much. Baking also is problematic even though I love the process, but hate the idea of being foxed to bake, which is the family business. Hmm.