Nostalgia 

Today I met an elementary teacher of mine when she visited my place of employ. She saw immediately that the job was for me even though it has been almost 2 decades since I had her class. She didn’t even see me at first, but when she turned what joy. 

My childhood was very strict, but my teachers from elementary were always warm standouts. No matter how strict they were, they always balanced with a true desire to see each of us succeed….for our own sakes, not their own.

Those were the days when I felt empowered to go to school. I may have stumbled more than a few times, but they were always saying or doing the right thing so that I would walk right and tall. These were teachers that weren’t your friends, more like drill sergeants you remember the first time you survive something because of their care during training.

(If you must know, I am currently watching Attack on Titan the anime, so my talk has a military lean to it.)

Life wasn’t simpler back then, simply more engaged in all the right ways. My teachers definitely had favorites, political views, personal issues…but they left those things at home in such a way that it was still part of them and yet left us unencumbered of the extras, so we could learn as we needed to. 

The rest of my school years weren’t like that. I easily tested teachers and saw many fail. I experimented on how far I could go with my introverted ways to see if they could bring me back and pull out the diamond that was hiding inside of me. So very many failed and the ones who barely passed, I remember, but those who shine I will remember to my kids.

See, teachers aren’t there to simply give knowledge. A teacher should also not simply inspire. They take rocks and see the beauty, or the clay with its possibilities, or the paint and have all the ideas on how and where to put it. They can see beyond the moment and with an ease that could only be a gift from God, easily give direction to the path a person needs to take to keep going on their journey.

This is life as a teacher.

This is the life of a great one remembered.

Advertisements

Library haul

MAN am I back in the reading groove.

List of tasty books:

Manga:

  • Spice and wolf (going to read the second to see if I like it.)
  • Death March to the parallel world #2 (SOOO GOOD!)

Comic:

  • The woods 1&2
  • Flight 

YA Novel:

  • Lost in a book
  • The library of fates
  • Dangerous
  • Flame in the mist
  • The traitor’s kiss

Junior fic:

  • Thick as thieves  ( MW Turner just has the best stories, I’m looking forward to it.)

A GOOD day

You know when you just have a feeling a day is going to be awesome or at least great?

Today I planned to go see The Dark Tower and it was GOOD. Just what I thought it would be, like a great taco. 

But before we left home one of our hot water pipes was leaking so we called a friend for help. He’s one of my favorite PEOPLE like if you knew a person who was mixed with Macguyver and Redington from The Blacklist, you get this guy! He was over right when we came home from the movie and he let me tag along to pick up supplies and it was the best. He taught me how to get into a locked vehicle AND hot wire it. The idea is that if I’m either in a bad situation or locked out of my car I am always taken care of if I have the right tools. He’s one of those dad types who thinKS defense is a high priority and I agree!

Once that was all done I found this hilarious thing: 

“Looking at you Hunter x Hunter and a few others that went from sunny to evil!”

And thus my day was a very, very happy one.

The art that hurts

This past month I have been working on a series of watercolor paintings. I used fabric instead of paper. I chose my age plus a few more to add up to 30…they were a gift from a friend on my birthday.

But I started painting not because I wanted to create…but because I was sad and angry at her. The day of my birthday lunch stared good, but by the end we had stopped being friends and 2 other friends had a fight right at the party. I felt like Kimmy Schmidt when all her friends were horrible (much worse than mine) and her roommate says that is what you call an adult birthday party. 

There had been tension before that day, but I had asked for time beforehand…and she was done with giving it. So for “my sake” we stopped. 

I once had a birthday where they served chocolate cake, which I hate and my head got slammed in a car door frame…and this birthday was worse than that. 

So I started to paint with the watercolors she game me. At first in, my mind, I was doing it for her: using what she had given me. Then along the way I realised this wasn’t for her it was against her. “I won’t let you ruin my birthday and this present more than you have. I’m going to make great art with a mighty ‘YOU SUCK’ that doesn’t showcase you at all.”

This was the fuel bring underneath at least. What’s worse is I actually like painting, it soothes me like meditation, so no matter how angry I am at her, the painting is like spring rain.

I’m on my last 2 paintings and now I begin to wonder…what now. I’m not ready to go fix things, but it doesn’t feel right not to.

Based on what I’ve seen, we’ll just end up in another hole. 

I was given a gift that was perfect for me, but would I have really used it without all the anger behind it? I can ALMOST understand people who talk about falling in love to create art. The breaking hurts, but to run from the pain you might end up finding what you need in art.

Here’s the plan

Someone posted this:


…and I decided to make my own version of joy. The idea is to get myself doing things I want to do, but I simply haven’t been doing. So, today, simply to get started, after work I took my time. I played around at the library, hung around Target, tried on some pants, looked around some small shops that have anime/manga goods. Instead of just rushing home to sleep and yeah, my feet did hurt, but I also was happy. 

Taking time to enjoy different scenery, not waiting for other people to go do something that I’ve been wanting to do…they all add up to a cup of hot joy. 

Adding a little bit each day instead of expecting one gigantic dallop of joy to satisfy me for a few months or even a year. It’s like eating, needs to be mostly thrice daily and differentiated for cycle and taste buds sake.