How do I say goodbye, when I suck at it?

Today was hard…like had a friend just randomly hug me simply because I looked sad. Do you know how many times that has happeed? Less than 5 in my lifetime. One of those wasn’t a hug so much as a pull into a room and sat down so I didn’t kill someone….

My friend is moving. It was very sudden and will move suddenly. The circumstances surrounding why aren’t fair or clean and seem almost illegal, but they aren’t so she’s not protected by the government. So 1 whole state away she goes.

At church they had a stand up and be encouraging moment for her, say a few words, pray…and I couldnt. 

I mean….I felt that at any moment I was going to breakdown. Not the pretty cry or even ugly cry, but mentally and emotionally have a break. Haven’t had one in awhile and I don’t want one. I’m not losing her, I know, but I’m still messed up about it. Losing 2 friends in less than a year, sucks.

I wrote a letter and it was my only redemption. I’m good with words written, but from my mouth to people in front of me, I need a script and it’s not like I knew they would have a thing for her.

Endings are like taking sledgehammer to a tree and watching it splinter and rip apart. It’s gruesome and not what should be done. Sure there may be more story or in this case a new place where the tree was…but for now all I can hear is the sound of the tree coming apart and I want to climb into a whole and cover my ears till the sound stops.

And I stop hurting.