What if you had 20 mins to live?

Someone asked me this recently. It was such a specific number. 20 minutes isn’t very long, not even a full episode of most sitcoms, even minus the commercials.

I have thought about 1 year, 3 months, 72 hours and 24 hours, but 20 minutes?

I would have to be in some kind of Scorpion episode to know it was 20 minutes.

I expect half of that would just be convincing myself that it wasn’t going to happen.

There isn’t enough time to visit the Louvre, to walk around Harajuku, to learn how to surf, to learn any language and from my home it wouldn’t be long enough to get to the beach. Maybe a pool. 🙂

Meaningful things is what would normally be added. Telling loved ones how you truly feel or simply reminding them. Doing things that are important to you. Being in places that are important to everyone.

20 minutes doesn’t exactly allow for that.

Would I call a friend and give healing over hurt feelings? Would I cry out to God and ask for more time? Would I look for ways to live? Would I eat something good or enjoy a drink I like? Maybe try to have sex for the first time?

These things may be for other people, but they are not for me.

See calling a friend in this case would be for their sake, not mine. Crying out to God like that, isn’t really my style. I’m not a member of Scorpion for a reason, I don’t know how to fix airplanes and such, so that option would be out. Food and drinks are fine, but they aren’t really at the core of who I am and if I have time to stop for tacos, how the heck do I know that I am dying?? Even if I found a guy to have sex with, the whole point is to enjoy it and rushing like that the first time is most likely going to bring pain sooner than whatever ‘ground is coming up to hit me’.

Most likely I’d go down singing.

I’d especially sing a song that has cursing because I’m pretty sure that cursing isn’t allowed in heaven and I want to get one last bout in. I’d sing the things I didn’t want to voice before because they were too painful or large for me to let out. I’d sing to God and let him know I was on the way in and he better have a hug waiting for me after all of this. I would record it on my phone so if it was found my family would know I was thinking about them. I would let all I could of my heart out. Not for any other reason than it is my privilege to do so.

My life must have adventure, travel, language, general geekiness, God, writing, food and arts of all kinds including science. However, my life must first and foremost have my voice. My voice is tied to all of these things in different measures and ways, but even without them it stands.

I’m not the best singer and I really suck at karaoke for some reason. (I get so nervous in front of people and can’t find my pitch if the music is too loud.) Yet and still, music is there when I have nothing else. The stories in my head are there when there is nothing else. My voice, my life, my heart, my love, my joy, my hope, these are all mine when there is no time left. When there is no space left. I didn’t understand this of the many poets, prophets, leaders and random people who have said similar over the years, but I begin to. When there is nothing else, we create what our souls need. And it doesn’t happen overnight at all, space must be made, old negative feelings and thoughts tossed out and then learning how to create our individual way. Allowing for ourselves to fall and get back up, to do the same thing over and over till it’s muscle memory.

To create life inside and then letting it out in the medium of our choice.

This is life I think.

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