Library of the soul

I often sit with my emotions like I used to sit in a library. I have all these stories around me and I look for what I desire to read. I like so many things that it can often be difficult on where to start. As I walk in the door I often already have a starting place in mind. In that section I began to think about where to next and slowly finish my list. Often getting snagged in different areas of interest that aren’t on the ‘list’, like motorcycles and gardening. Lord help me if I get stuck in the language area.

I often bring someone with me so that I have a time limit on how long I stay.

Funny thing is that emotions are always with you and unless you put a start and stop time of focus, than you can be stuck in the swirl of your own emotions like getting stuck in a rip current.

I have learned not to engage in certain areas of my emotions as such because I can get carried away, drowning in deeper, more painful emotions. It is fine to put my feet in when I am firmly holding the Beloved’s hand, but alone I can easily be pulled away.

And though I am mixing metaphors I have learned the emotions or stories to check out and read in order to fill my life with what I need. I enjoy a good light hearted young adult novel in the same way that I enjoy fussing at the Beloved for no other reason than to bring a smile to His face. I pick up a good anime like Fairy Tail in order to encourage my soul just as I remember past glories that build up my ego when I need to stand in front of a crowd. Each emotion for a purpose, each story for a reason. Building my soul instead of letting it flounder and molden.

I have learned to avoid the darker emotions right before bed as I have learned that watching Psych at 2 am causes nightmares and paranoia. Just as Criminal Minds should be avoided period, so should porn be avoided at all costs because of the side effects of emotions that are caused. Nasty stuff that.

A libraries worth of emotion.

The odd thing about a library is that anyone at any age can check out anything they like. It is up the individual, really, to limit themselves.

Just as it is up to me to limit myself on what and how much I read. When my eyes grow tired, when I get hungry, when I grow bored it is up to me to step away from the book and move on to other things. When my heart grows weary, when I run dry, when I am simply ‘done’, it is up to me to step away from my emotions and focus on something else. Doesn’t mean they do not exist or that I am denying them as I once thought was the way of things.

I am simply focusing on other things.

What a thing to learn balance of the soul, body and mind at such a later age. Yet, how timely it is when I look at the expanse of my full lifetime instead of only at the time so far.

Much to still learn, yet, so much more to live.

They don’t tell you that in school: How much you will live.

And what a glorious thing it is to be alive.

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