My church has a few fun days planned for the summer and usually I think about how to participate, but lately…I have been thinking about building a new life.
I have written before about getting away, but today I thought about what prioritizing would look like. I enjoy hikes and crafts and all kinds of things. It’s one of the ways I have become so good at blending in with others. However, now I think about what it is to focus on my own pattern of living. Like…if I lived with a man *blush* and we had a night at home, would I, he or we cook? I prefer eating out, but there aren’t a lot of places near me so that would need to be considered. If I were to say a night out that I would love and be engaged with, would it include going out or staying in? With others and if so how many?
I’m not a fan of large groups because keeping track of everyone just plain sucks, but just one or two is too much focus as well.
I don’t have to learn what I do or don’t like, I already know. The problem is I’ve learned to squelch my need and want of pleasure. In part for others and also because I so long thought it was evil. Funny how God was the one to show me it wasn’t and people were the ones to tell me pleasure was evil. Even nonchristians would tell me that. There is a huge amount of irony when a person who isn’t a Christian tries to protect you, a christian, from doing something viewed as bad.