I watched this heavily cursing Anna Akana video about having sex the first night.
Having sex has always been a topic that fills me with all kinds of feels.
My parents told me having any sex before marriage would make the guy secretly hate you. My friends told me sex wasn’t all that special, but still something normal…like cafeteria food. My older “siblings” told me sex was fun, but when they talked about it it seemed more like a chore they got used to and most days secretly hated. And the guys I met quickly showed that if I did have sex with them that it would solely be about them and they wouldn’t care about me at all.
So, I decided to focus on other stuff.
Too much hassle and I’m not exactly the most emotionally well-adjusted person out there. *triggers flashback* Good lord, no.
I wanted sex to be about me too, and I can barely make friends pay attention to my needs when it doesn’t include what they like or tell them they are stepping on my toes.
Ms. Akana brings up a good point though, why do I have to stop having sex with a guy simply to keep some mystery or whatever you’re trying to do in your life. If a guy is this dumb as to stop going with a woman who is actually enjotting sex with him, he’s thinking of sex and me all wrong. I’m a trophy, not a partner who is trying to gauge compatability of bodies and intimacy.
I get that guys are ‘hunter gatherers’ to most people, but I don’t want a caveman for a partner. I live in the 21st century and it’s the ‘age of the geek, baby’. I want a hero, but the kind I need. I don’t need a guy who can leap over a building, I need a guy who will be there when everything has gone wrong and I need someone to turn off the running water, hold me till I stop crying and then break out the candy or ice cream as we figure out what to do next. And yes, that hero may also get laid that night, but it won’t be as thank you, that’s not how I roll. Nor should I have to like all those “nice guys” think. (Other line of thinking entirely.)
I guess what I’m thinking is, I want someone who will have a conversation about sex and if we aren’t reading the same book, say ‘adios, muchachos’ no problems or games. And if we are in the same book, then let’s keep talking!
This whole thing has really been bothering me for so many years. I love hearing mature thoughts on the matter