RTW: Expectations vs reality

Today I had the expectation to go somewhere fun and new. 

Reality: not going.

Going tomorrow, yes, but right now it feels sucky.

There areally a lot of things that I find are like this, and it begins to wear. I spend a lot of time doing for others and so when I bring up doing something for myself it is most likely after days or hours of thought. I make sure this option is good for all involved and they are on board. More, I don’t really do for myself to the extent that is healthy, so not doing that thing is like going without for awhile and then when you are just about to eat, dinner is cancelled and you’re stuck scrounging for an answer that ends at top ramen or not eating at all. 

Not being the priority in someone’s life when they force you to make their life the priority it sucks and doesn’t make a lick of sense.

But it’s really me…if I don’t place priority of my life on my life and focus on others priority…than I’m back to being a kid waiting for her mother to cook dinner and getting stuck with top ramen.

I learned how to cook out of sheer need, grudgingly and resentment.

My life priorities shouldn’t be like that…but it requires me dealing with that old junk first I think…

Lord, bless me, I’m gonna need it.