Looking at this particular video reminds me of a friend, they really look alike to me, but also they have a similar way of speech and it is odd. It feels like it is my friend who is talking and ministering to my soul instead of this stranger who I don’t know.
I have been in a dark few YEARS of the soul. It wasn’t until God confronted me with my habits that I even figured out that there was a problem. I found out that I was deeply depressed, angry, resentful and all the things Christians shouldn’t be. I just buried them instead of dealing, healing or anything. I didn’t know.
On this side where I have gone through this identity stripping I have been left with this women I don’t even know, but I have to choose whether or not I want to accept her. More I find I have to take care of her differently then I thought was even necessary. It’s like finding a baby or teen runaway and taking care of them, but then reaching a point and thinking, “…huh, this is a long term thing, am I prepared for this?”
The harder things:
- Changing moment to moment because I’m not confident in my choices
- Knowing my choices and not wanting to do them for a bunch of reasons
- Being afraid of goodness
- Feeling lost at how much I don’t like the things in my soul and not really knowing how to change that
This is a shorter one because I am simply hurting emotionally right now.
I am so mad at my family and it isn’t their fault any more than you can get mad at a person for something they do and you haven’t told them. I am this new person and my senses seem stuck on high and I simply need to let them rest.