RTW: leaning in

Another epiphany!

I’m happy about this roll I am on. 

I thought about about why I am so lonely all the time. Just like the Superwoman video from Sunday(?), I thought to myself, i began to talk to myself. 

“You are lonely all the time and that means there must be something you are doing that is stifling yourself. Just like sadness is an indication of not focusing on the things that make you happy, there must be something that is making you feel disconnected from people. Let’s find out what that is.”

My answer?

I’m not leaning into the people I love and have relationships with. I am simply allowing their full weight to be on me and not putting any weight whatsoever on them.

Some people can’t handle it, sure, but pairing this with my unique way of loving and it makes since why I am so lonely all the time. I am not connecting nor loving right. 

It would be like plugging in a phone to a computer and you download fies from the phone but no energy is given to the phone nor any files put on the phone.

As such I always have this feeling that I give and give but never receive. 

This isn’t all on my friends either. If they extend their hand and I do not take it than that is me.

However…this isn’t exactly a priority yet. Not the outer circle, I mean. Not the inner circle either, really…

I hunger to do this with my core. To lean in and let My Beloved take my weight, to lean into myself and take on the weight of my soul, and if it’s in God’s will, meet a man who I can lean into as well and learn what taking his weight is REALLY.