RTW: letting sadness flow

I’m highly sensitive, nothing new, but this week I encountered something new in my feelings. 

Other people’s feelings.

I didn’t want to look at any of it because I felt so bad. So much of it was anger and a type of hatred toward God and that wasn’t me. Not at all. 

God wouldn’t let me not talk so when I finally did, after much pushing from him…all this bitterness pouted out like a flood. Years of it, possible 25, I don’t know. 

When I calmed down and took yet another nap, I woke up feeling like a literal physical weight was off my shoulders. He then told me to write, just write and write some more.

Afterward I felt a pause and let myself get wrapped in his love again. Now I feel that time shifting back to letting off the drainage. 

I was so afraid when I started, just like the happy feeling from ‘Inside Out’, to allow myself to feel those feelings. I felt so wrong.

Then My Beloved brought me to Matthew 16:26 and had me look up what a soul is. In the Greek it is the breath of life and the seat of all a person’s desires, feelings, aversions and affections. When I deny my feelings and what I don’t like and who I love and what I want to let in my life…I am denying my soul. Starve it for long enough and I am left with a lost/dead soul…….and I have done exactly what Jesus said was so bad for us…