Hard look 

Today I got hot oil on my eye. Never felt something so sensitive meet with something that is normal pain. I’m used to oil on my arms and just throw cold water on it, but this was like pouring oil straight into my eye like I was a Game of Thrones character being tortured. 

I have been talking about relationships and learning about them too. A site that talked about polyamory and monogamy brought up really good if not very invasive questions to ask yourself. (https://www.google.com/amp/s/sexgeek.wordpress.com/2007/06/10/10-realistic-rules-for-good-non-monogamous-relationships/amp/)

  • What kind of person are you? 
  • What are your core values?
  • What are your life priorities?
  • What are your needs within relationships? 
  • What are your shortcomings within your relationships? 
  • Why have your past relationships ended? 
  • Are you able to articulate what part you played in that?
  • How do you deal with conflict and anger?
  • How are your communication skills?
  • What kind of people are you generally attracted to? 
  • Are there any predictable patterns in your attractions? 
  • Are they positive or problematic?
  • What do you have to offer a partner? 
  • What sort of partner, lover, friend are you?
  • What does your life look like? 
  • Your schedule, your energy levels, your health, your obligations, your stresses, your joys? 
  • What would you like to change?

These actually caught me off guard. 

I find that what I am looking for is not, on the whole, what I have been offered. 

What I need based on these questions and on just a quick perusal of my soul, is not at all what has been on the table.

So often, I find, I leave myself out of the question. This goes for my relationships as a whole and not just romantic or sexual. 

I begin to question…what or who…is really best for me…and how do I receive what I need and not just what people want to give me?