A burden only Christ can bear.

Something to be said about WANTING what is inside your heart.

I FINALLY got to watch Moapa today, and man! What a great movie.

There is one thing though that stuck. Here’s the music video by Alessia Cara: https://youtu.be/ZNra8eK0K6k

Her heart tells her one thing and her family another. She wants the ocean and all that is in it, dangerous or not. She trains to be a chief, but still her heart calls for the ocean and its wide open space of life. 

I did that. I trained to be a prophet and an evangelist. I learned to teach and unfortunately sell the gospel. I learned how to be a leader like a pastor too. I learned any all parts of the body of Christ. Well, maybe not exactly apostle…still don’t grasp what that is yet. It was important to learn, taste everything. Yet my heart yearned for something else. 

Still does. 

I yearn for a new way to love God, even more drastic, I yearn to love God alone. Not at all focused on giving that love to others. NO! I want to love and relish in that love. I want to stand on a mountain and let the wind of his love flow through me. 

Yet, others would say this is wrong. I am told that I must focus on loving others and giving out the word so that all may be saved. For them this may even be heaven, exactly what they are best at, they ‘have a place on this island. Everything is by design.’ 

My heart still cries out for the infinity of God, the wind and fire of the Holy Spirit and the running with lion/lamb that is Jesus. 

I know people need God….so do I. 

It is hard to want what my heart weeps for, when so many people give this burden that without me, people may die. I am not God, and that burden is not fair.