So this week, I went through my old blog ideas. I wanted to see if there was anything I wanted to write about.
I threw away 90% of it.
90% is a whole lot to look at when it is in a pile. I have changed so much since I first thought about doing this 365 day blog that I don’t even need most of what I thought I was going to write.
Most of it was pretentious or about others or just plain not me in this season. The point of the blog those papers were going to was about helping other people and making a kind of path back from where I felt God was leading me.
Now my writing is about where I want to go and not where other people are telling me to go. It is about what I need and not what I am told I need. And very much about where I feel God is leading me.
Throwing away so much used to bother me.
- I worked hard on this
- It would be a waste
- I paid for this
- I MAY need this
Something to be said about throwing away that first pancake you make. Sure there may be one guy who is totally cool with eating it, mi padre is usually that guy, but most of us just pretend like we will eat it and then when it inevitably goes bad because it was left out, we don’t feel bad about tossing it.
We coulda just thrown it out to begin with.
Most of us don’t remember our first years growing up. Maybe one or two memories, but not everything from the womb till now. And that’s okay. You don’t need to have the years that are all about figuring out the most basic concepts.
Same goes for everything we do.
- the first kiss
- the first time having sex
- the first days at the job
- the first paper in college
- the first days (or whatever) of marriage
- The first beginnings
The point is not to give up on these things but to make better. I’m not going to stop writing, but I don’t have to use those ideas either. I’m different and have grown in a different direction. Same goes for sex, marriage, college, jobs. The point is to keep moving forward and growing according to what is in your hands. Don’t give up. Problems in the bedroom, relationship, workroom, classroom, don’t give up, look for different ways, ask for help.
I have so many relationships that at the end of the day, I may not have them, but I don’t feel guilty either since I did the best I could in order to keep them alive. That’s important.