Dreaming vs Living

Show called ‘No Tomorrow’ got me thinking about what it would be like to have a list or an Apocolist that would catalogue things I wanted to do in a set period of time. The show was okay and so was the app but then I looked in my closet and found a small notebook that would work just as well as the app and would be in my hand.

I called it ‘My “This” Year’. No apocalypse coming so didn’t need that name and calling it a bucket list seemed to big and I wasn’t dying. I don’t want to have things that I will do at some point, like going to India. I want things to do now, like bake cookies or read particular books or eat chapulines.

This lead me to write things that I had just been putting off for no reason at all. Like going to Portos for dessert or buying a gigantic teddy bear for myself instead of waiting for some guy to do it for Valentine’s Day (got it the day before. :).

I didn’t want to just keep dreaming about someday, I wanted to live in today.

I stated crossing things off quite quickly and finding more things I wanted to do. Some things required time like going to specific places for my birthday. Other things needed money like going to Tokyo Disney (and friends).

The point was to get things moving.

Then I found I wanted a Little Black Book. I had an extra one of those little books and I could just make it black so why not? But then I found a major bug in my plan. Based on God …rules. Pretty much dating is out until he says so. I’m not against it per se and I would NEVER tell anyone else to do this (It was a specific thing for me for reasons that are important and personal.), however, it has led to this bug. LBBs are for putting men’s phone numbers in as well as other information. (If you like old movies, ‘That Funny Feeling’ is a very good reference for this moment.)

So I asked mi madre her thoughts. She said why don’t I just put things I will do with a man one day when I have one. This lit up my life as I was able to use that notebook in the same way as I had the other, but in a different way. 121 items later and 3 am I finally told myself go to bed.

It is exhilarating to choose to liv out my dreams and not just eek out one every year or so but to get a few of the little ones out of the way and focus. Sure they may be small, but they are really building up my confidence to do some of the medium size things in my life.

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