So…real talk. Not kinda real-real talk. If you don’t like it, please just leave me alone.
For years I have enjoyed this feeling of the spiritual. And by enjoyed I mean that I have hated, disliked and ran from it.
If I just felt God it would be different. This all-powerful, all-loving entity that is so awesome and nice and funny? Take it every day.
But I since the demonic as well.
And there isn’t much of a filter.
And it sucks.
Instead of the cool factor that is what most people think of being able to ‘sense’ others, I instead get the professor Xavier kind of life; Mcavoy, not Stewart. Go to 55 seconds to begin it:
There is so much pain that can be felt by an HSP, but also so much period. There is a point where there are just too many human emotions in my life and I want out. On top of that is the Holy Spirit and even Sherlock training so not only do I feel, but I see and can interpret.
Being able to feel when someone dislikes you as if you personally dislike you, is confusing at the least and shattering in the worst terms. When a person says how much they love you and you feel this rage towards yourself that only in your private time figure out it isn’t you but them furious at you…it can make you mistrust humanity.
I have a friend now who is…honest. What she feels is what she says and it is like walking upon a hidden waterfall; amazing, refreshing and beautiful.
The other side is the demonic. I have only recently even let myself believe that they exisited. Very few people spoke about being able to sense them so I figured I was just nuts and pushed it away.
Now that I accept it I have this odd feeling of being happy. I am happy that they exist because it means I am not crazy. I have God so because of this I am relieved because that means they are defeated and under universal laws they can’t bother me if I tell them to go.
But this has been less than a week of feeling like this.
20+ years of feeling insane ‘does not a week make’ (Quoting ‘Barefoot in the Park’). There are still feelings that need to be dealt with. Old wounds that need to heal and life that needs to be accepted.
There is more here, but I’m honestly not ready to delve. I went to an even tonight and the people there I began to see pictures of them in the spirit as opposed to just having feeling and I need to go pray about those things and give them to God.
Learning how to hope again as Prof ‘Stewart’ X said is still my path.