Blacker posts


So one of my favorite youtubers, casey neistat, talked about putting out “happy content”. AKA (b/)vlogging that is mostly happy and doesn’t talk about the black or gray emotions. 

I obviously do talk about those things. I don’t have thousands of followers so I take advantage of saying what I want because no one is calling me out for being to dark. This also isn’t for other people; it is to help me heal. 

I often say that I want disney when I watch or read something.bad stuff throughout, love story is great addition, lots of adventure and and we end with happily ever after, whatever that is for that person. I don’t think bad stuff doesn’t exisit nor is it OK to keep it out of fiction.

Ever read a book called Prescious? A friend had it at school and being the avid reader I am, I picked it up to thumb through. I felt physicaly nauseous afterward and wanted to throw up. I had to get air through a cracked window. The story line was vile. I would love to say I hear about these things but the truth is I have known people who will talk about similar bad things in their life. Abusive things that should never happen to any one and are stories from my friends/associates childhoods. 

These people’s stories…

They are very real and as their friend or simply a follower of Christ who wants to love them, I am left with this utter devestation from another’s actions. I cry and pray with them or just listen and pray/cry later. They survived and that makes them glorious. It may not be the prince in shining armor but we don’t all need that. I don’t. I needed a few years to relearn the world and myself, to heal and not be called to give more of myself that was lacking already. 

This is why I don’t read things like ‘Precious’,  no matter how good people say it is. I already want to hurt the abusers of my friends, I don’t need more people to be upset at. I need life in my belly and mind. I need veggies and puzzles and goodness, why eat tar when you can have a pear? 

Still their is balance and it is so necessary. We need to see the world but in balance. A person who deals with foster care probably needs a bit more Disney, the person who has never been out of their town may need some Bollywood or some kdrama. Those read the Bible may need more doctor who to expand their horizons about how they view God and what he is capable of (I’m thinking of quite a few pepole I know…like 50ish. XP)

And some people, like me, just need to be able to watch whatever the freaking well choose without feeling guilty about it.I’ve seen too much, until I have practical solutions, I don’t need any more.