Showing off/random things

I had the honor and privilege today of showing mi padre something he didn’t know about related to his work and MAN does that feel good.

I also learned how to make an “e-book” the super easy way using powerpoint instead of some other thing I was trying to use and thinking it was just too much work. (There’s a video at the bottom.)

I wanted to do one of these a few years ago but found it was just way too much work. I have since found a better way with slambooks, which are really just a notebook with all your pics in scrapbook form.

However I kind of want to upgrade a little bit more for some things. Things that showcase my work as an artist that I can later showcase in a ‘brochure’ or lookbook that I can show off to possible employers or just my people even on how my year has gone.

Changing topics, I know that it IS some great thing to have a parent teach you to use a fork and the toilet, I get that. (No sarcasm, truth.)

Yet, it still feels so good to contribute(?), I guess.

I really thought when I was writing this it was to one-up my parent and yes I often feel like that, but right now, it is something different. This is helping.

I want to help my parents more, in a way I feel like I have a debt to them. They have taken care of me, and yes that was their choice but…since I can remember I have felt like a burden to them. I won’t use too much of an item, I won’t ask for new clothes, it pisses mi madre off, but mi padre thinks it’s totally normal. I’ve been doing it since as long as I can remember. She’d say, tell me what you NEED, and in the past I will get the supreme basics: pads, medicine, things to make tacos, and that is it.

I found out very early how to live on tacos and ramen.

This year my goal is to throw out 70-90% of my clothes and buy all new ones that fit my personality and lifestyle. This will include geeky stuff, comfy stuff, fun stuff and dressy stuff. I have found things in my closet that are over 10 years old and from when I was in at least high school. I would rather not look at things that may be from before. Since high school I have not iced I mostly get hand-me-downs or gifts, wear my clothes to death and then keep clothing I hate because it isn’t ‘worn out’.

My friends have been talking about a closet that is eco-conscious and the capsule wardrobe, so there have been more ‘swap parties’. These are great, but somewhere in there I found a TON of resentment.

I’ve been doing this so long out of habit and because mi padre gave me the impression we were broke poor that I carried it into adulthood. Didn’t matter how much money I made, I was poor. Why can’t I have new things? Why do I have to withhold things from myself? A habit of being conscious about food and clothing is fine, but there is a line when you are actually starving yourself and not getting the nutrients that you need and I think I have hit that line several times. I was so afraid that I couldn’t even eat.

Still learning after all these years.