My past makes me and I wouldn’t change that, but that doesn’t mean I want to keep it.
If you are into fantasy than dragon’s are kind of awesome. In some realms they are the things you defeat to get treasure, women, land or fame. In other’s they are family, friends and entities that help you in your journey. In the Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman’s Invisible Library they are mostly indifferent and don’t care about the world but will interfere if they deem it necessary, they can also look like humans. Good, indifferent or evil they are still important. And their bones in many cases can be used for items like swords or shields.
I thought about this years ago, the bones in our closet, what if we simply made them into items to use. I don’t mean commercially. One thing I dislike is when a person uses their hurt to sell a product simply for the reason to sell, not for healing or personal growth, just to make money.
‘The Child Called It’ was a horrifying story by Dave Pelzer about growing up in an abusive home. I read this way too early and should only be read by adults in my opinion. His story was important however, it shed light on abuse of a child in a way that I had never heard. When all we think of is abuse in one way and we are shown a new and more horrifying way…it can be daunting, but it also helps to prepare better and help if we see things. His words didn’t seem like they were selling things, it seemed more like a cry to stop and see. Maybe see the pain you ignored as a kid and need to heal from, maybe it’s the pain you see in someone else that needs support.
I wasn’t abused as a kid but I went through stuff that I shouldn’t have. Friends of mine have been through similar experiences, some worse, some less, we all hurt though. Some use their bones to push friends away and say, well this is just the life I have. Others are so crippled by their bones that they might as well be living breathing dragons.
We call them bones but so often I see they are living things that still guard us from leaving where we are. There is also the option that because we have not disposed of them, the ‘essence’ of the dragon is still powerfully there and poisons the space so we are still under it’s control. (There are so many versions of what dragon bones can do and we won’t agree so just go with me on this one version. Also if you don’t get this…go play Dragon Age or Skyrim.)
The new year is approaching and I like to empty my closet of old stuff, I mean this physically. Things that a guy gave me 10 years ago and I HAD to keep it because it shows me that I am attractive-Gone. A best friend necklace from a friend that I haven’t seen or talked to in 5 years-Gone. Letting go of things externally gets me primed to let go of internal things. The bones of the past that whisper sweetly that I need them, but burn my very insides from memory touching alone.
Do I really need to hold onto the aching moment of when I letdown my friend one time even as I haven’t seen them in 10 years? Do I really need to agonize and play over and over again missing out on the dance with the guy that I liked but wasn’t ever going to be with? I know that it is easy to say ‘oh but’, and so I let certain things stay because of this.
Do I wish I had stayed still so a guy could ask me to dance? I did that once and he never did, there’s no telling that the other one would have. Do I wish that I had said the right thing to my friend when he needed me most? I did that with someone else and they still had problems later and tried to commit suicide.
We hope for better, and can get worse.
We try again, we let things go, we learn. This is human growth. Simple.