There is a cousin of mine who reminds me of myself, she is intelligent but hides it in attitude. She was a wild child as a kid and brilliant. She is magnificent and has a potential for a world that she doesn’t really accept as a world for herself.
One year I heard her say something so inappropriate that I had to violently leave her presence, physically moving her out of my way because inside I wanted to actually slap her face. She disappointed me.
This caused a firestorm and later she is chewing me out to her madre and mine and even brought another cousin, the relationship never repaired. She called me out for all kinds of things, some I didn’t even know about or thought were true. I had been disappointing her for years and I didn’t even know.
When given a chance to speak I let loose. I spoke about all the horrible things that I had been seeing in her…that I had seen in myself already. I wanted to help her see how bad she was and never got to the part about how awesome she was. I hurt her.
She cut off contact from me. I was left numb.
Didn’t she see what I was trying to say?? No, why would she. I didn’t here her for years how could she be any different.
I regretted not telling her the fact that what I saw was what I saw in myself that had caused me pain and I wanted to spare her from that. Instead I stabbed her emotionally and never went back in with medicine or love or really anything.
Her favorite flavor when she was little was ‘Red’ and we all thought she was so adorable for it. I thought she was brilliant and was simply waiting for the days when she would be older and we could play like teen sisters. Instead I did what my older sisters did to me, trying to help but doing more harm than good.
God help me I want to tell her the truth, and truly there is no greater time than now, but this requires more skill than I have yet to fully possess and I refuse to make the same mistake twice and hurt her more. I pray, literally, for the day when God redeems that moment. She deserves better.