What’s your coffee/tea strength?

How much can you handle in life before you get bitter?

Can you steep for 6 months in a job you hate with low pay, peers who bully and no managerial support? What about a year? 10 ?

How long can you stand living a high paced life with little downtime, no weekends, long hours and constant challenges before you break or simply become unhappy about your job?

When I was a kid I was given a ton of responsibility, nothing abusive so I thought it was fine, I didn’t really have friends I could trust, my family’s words mostly carried barbs or manipulation, I spent very little time just playing around and doing the kid/teenager thing. When I left high school I was A MESS. I had reached my personal limit but I left the tea bag in and worked past that point.

I was SOO good at anything I did, want me to be a waiter, hostess, prep cook, accountant, singer, dancer, daughter, listener, preacher, give me a job and I would make a homerun almost 90% of the time. Yet, I was sooo unhappy. Who cared if I was good at anything if there was no love or enjoyment in what I did. So easily I see 1 Corinthians 13, how good I can be and without love I am nothing.

With more time on my hands I find that my tea strength is very low. Just a little too long in emotional raging waters and I lose sight of the shore easily. My balance is askew and everything can feel all wrong and I want to include my emotions now and just stuff ’em down!

I have been living in so many tomorrows and now sitting here in the present I see a fuller scope of myself. I see the woman who is happy seeing movies with her padre, who is growing away from her old addiction of entertainment and is becoming more balanced, I see a woman who falls but not quite as far. I see a woman who can help a friend in one moment and need that same friends help moments later, who is a leader and a follower at the same time, who sees the moment she is in and sees when she is about to go to far, be in pain or anything and everything else because she is here.

 

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