Paranoia

This week I had a cold. Still not over it but I decided now would be an excellent chance to binge watch Perspective. That wasn’t the correct move.

Medication often enhances my senses or it can dull it. It is why I do not do recreational drugs, the thought that my mind can be taken from me is not a pleasant one. A side effect can be that I get a bit…on edge. I suddenly am more aware of sounds and have increased sense of danger. In other words: paranoia.

It’s hard when your mind goes against you and watching a show about a guy whose mind is going against this DID NOT HELP!

My body is working overtime to heal me and my mind? Well, it needs a break from itself.

I became inwardly snappish at mi madre and thought, this isn’t me.

I was reminded of the times before I left college: This was my norm. I was always on edge, paranoid about everything and lived in a constant state of being careful of not getting into trouble. I haven’t been like this in so long that I suddenly see how bad I really was. I lived in fury at the world, irritation at my close loved ones and there was always this constant feeling of being tired or overworked. The fog.

I had to cut out so many tv shows because of how they were negatively affecting me but even still I had to do a lot of talking and keeping up my emotional care. However, with taking care of my physical I have been a bit lax. I was so focused on so many other things and my bodies issues that my emotional health, listening to my own self when I said that I had had enough TV….I didn’t. All the talk about following intuition and I new challenge already rears: What do I do when my body is louder or family or more than two things are louder than my intuition?

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