8 minutes of world building

So, I met someone today. A person one of my parents works with.

I seriously didn’t know her but she knew who I was and acted like we had met for drinks and had fun at least once in our lives. She is a prankster and really cool. Then she starts talking about Japan and teaching it and when I say I want to learn it and go to the Olympics in 2020 she says I am welcome to stay at her family’s place.

This went from a casual, “hey, have you seen my parent?” to “Yes, I can help you with one of your top goals and dreams.” in about 8 minutes?

Both parents are now super duper pressuring on taking up the offer and making this happen.

Me? I see the world in my head beginning to build itself out into my life like watching the Doctor Strange trailer. (So excited for that, hopefully I make it without watching any more of the trailers. They can ruin so much.) I’m calm because I anticipated this. They are not because they simply see an opportunity for their daughter to go out and see the world that she won’t shut up about.

I want to be excited, sure, but I… my focus is different. I have been so focused on the big future that my present now slipped away and my soul died. The little and medium things are important to me now. The fact that I tried the first day of a morning routine and was actually happy and full during the day. The fact that I got a new phone and cover so it won’t break.

Plus I want to think about the next 3 months. What will happen to explode my territory and life? What do I want to add so that I have a full life and not just others burdens and lives pressing in on me? Who do I want to add more into my life, if anyone?

My friend asked me what I want the rest of this year to look like and I don’t want it to be only building for the coming year. I want it to be filled with delight, magic and me. I want to keep myself honest, that’s why I did this blog. I don’t write everyday, but I will have a post for everyday of this year. I will add in the pieces of my life here not for any reason like:

  • So I know I lived.
  • So the world can see I lived.
  • So someone can see this in the future.
  • To hate on those who hurt me
  • To see the world from fresh eyes

I am doing this:

  • To keep myself from drowning.
  • To keep myself grounded.
  • To grow.
  • To live my way.

My way is vibrant but it is not loud. It is alive and full but it isn’t extroverted. I’m more like a stream in the woods or an ocean. I am deep and full but out of most people’s way. I am enjoyable but if you enter into tender spots I am violent and aggressive. I like this about me. I like that I can be as cool as ice and just as strong. Wild as a storm and just as beautiful. Soft and energizing as a stream in the woods and powerful as the ocean it connects to. Soft and mesmerizing as steam that can be hot or cold as needed.

I am alive. I am me.

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