My lost friend

I found this artist a year ago and didn’t know he was a Christian artist. He spoke to me at the time but I lost track of him until today. This video really hit me. I have a friend who went from BFF type to…strangers in a short period of time and I was sooo lost. I knew the moment we lost the edge but we didn’t break for months later. When we had I was left with this resounding silence. It was my first friendship that went deeper than the norm since high school and she is a Christian so I was SUPER caught of guard. That ‘ride or die’ stuff? That was us for awhile. Then we just…

Listening to this song brought out those memoires again. How did we go from ‘ride or die’ to we don’t even speak? We got a dialogue going and it wasn’t what I expected. As I was beginning to cut off our friendship for good she’s telling me she wants to start again. If you haven’t changed than won’t we make the same mistakes? I need a friend I can let my hair down with and she doesn’t really know how to let me do that with impunity, respect or love. Neither do I if it helps. For myself or her ;P I’m learning though.

I can’t be sure if SHE is learning though. At church we are talking about reconciliation and that we can’t assume people will auto be what we hope. Which I get, but here’s my question. Ministry aside. If we are constantly hurt by someone in small or big ways and isn’t iron sharpening iron, do we really have to keep that person in our lives?

I don’t really want to.

If we include ministry, loving caring, I’m still not ready to give as I am very empty and I won’t make that mistake twice. Give out of cheerful heart, give out of what God gives you, not from your flesh, not when there is nothing. That is how YOU die.

I wish I could explain this to her without it sounding like I’m calling her a vampire or zombie. There’s still a little anger but mostly there is just a ‘no more’ red blinking light on my dash that says, I’m out of fuel.