Darkness or Light?

“Perhaps. As an introvert and a highly sensitive person, I look at individuals differently than others do. I zero in on the sparkling facets of their inner world. I buff and polish those facets with warmth and safety until that person feels more alive than they did before they met me. I’ve been told I’m comforting, healing, and akin to dopamine. Essentially, I help others shine.

If they draw out my light as well, then I give with my whole being. I don’t hold back.”

-Brenda Knowles

When I read this I, was overcome. Hearing my own self in another’s writing is like having a ray of sunshine come through the trees. I’m not alone. one of the bigger hurdles o mankind I think. Finding yourself is only part of the battle, being at peace with that person, finding others like you, being at peace with them, ENJOYING them AND yourself… how do you do anything else with all this going on. I can work OR play OR learn, I cannot do all three at one time.

I am a rare oddity in this world, I say this truly humbly as I have fought my nature for years. I naturally love other people. NOT try to please them, but true love. When I was a kid I was called many names:

  • Proud
  • stuck-up
  • full of it
  • only child syndrome
  • arrogant
  • spoiled

I didn’t think of myself as any of these things and being under 10, looking back I see that could have been normal. But at the time I chose to fix myself. I would see people the way God saw people, I would humble myself and focus on how I could help others and be liked. I knew I wasn’t normal and I sought to be more like others so I could have friends, enjoy life with others and not be hurtful/harm others.

I didn’t see how I had gone from loving others to ignoring me entirely…and I had mask after mask. Yet still I had gained a great ability to love and love well. To see and care.

I don’t regret that…I just wish for more now.