Authenticity: no thank you

So, start here:

If you are an introvert, this will help you. If you are an HSP, this will help you.
If you are me? This sucks.
I don’t even know what I want to feel right now.

I am not me when I am with other people. I am who I need to be because people need a person who they can be themselves with, who can support them, who can create a space for them.

But I forgot me in this.

I forgot me so much I ended up in the hospital. I’m still hurt none of my family didn’t see this. But who can blame them when I always carry a smile. When I never talk about myself or assert myself into OUR relationship? I’M PART OF THIS TOO! WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER THAT?

These people love me and are there for me when I call out to them….so why can’t I speak? I can write for days and still have things to say. I have notebooks that I fill like some women or men (I see you hotties) buy shoes.
But a notebook is a glorified book. I don’t have to engage the same with people as I do with a piece of paper. I can be all parts of myself and not feel ashamed, or boring or worthless.

I’m a Highly Sensitive-empath INFJ.

I am fully aware when you are done with the conversation. I know when you are just not connecting with me. I sense so many things on the smallest level I personally thought I was crazy for years. Until I found out I’m just VERY rare. As in 1-3% of the population rare.

People are trained to deal with average. As in MOST people are this way so I will learn how to deal with these people. Extremes are so not the norm, who even knows what to do with them?

Still….I want to learn how to be authentic no matter how much it hurts to get there because right now REALLY sucks. Thanks for reading