Exploration: Operation Ariel

I have been learning about myself and taking time to find out more than just the surface things. Esp these things are becoming mildly boring to me. (It’s terrible, like thinking a picture is ugly and realizing it’s you.)

I have learned something positively terrible: I have about 20 unique things about myself.

I don’t know if anyone has ever put a list of things that can be different in a person but I have found more than I wanted. How do I juggle all of who I am? How have I NOT gone crazy, I haven’t taken care of any of these parts of myself!

  • Gender (which affects many bodily, mental and emotional functions)
  • Spiritual choice (and all of those subgroups)
  • Mental gifting
  • Emotional Sensitivity
  • Parentage
  • Sibling-age (Yes I made up a word, I’m creative)
  • Friend connection (how I do)
  • Passions
  • Career aims
  • Creative marks
  • DNA

There are more things but this is what I came up with in my slight panic.

All of these things are so connected and yet I don’t usually focus on any of them. I focus so much on other people and their problems that I haven’t noticed I am slowly degrading every single part of me.

My other mother, a mother who is a family friend and like a second mom to me…so called other mother, either way, she called and asked to talk to me. When she does it is like going to the principles office in grade school.

She asked me some very poignant questions that all rounded to

  1. Do you know your gifting?
  2. Do you know your spiritual ministry?

I was so close to saying, I’m young, I don’t know… but seriously…I would have gotten backhanded over the phone somehow. 🙂 It was difficult to say the least to answer these questions as many of the answers are best on what other s have told me but I don’t necessarily believe. I don’t ever want to be an evangelist and yet it seems like an automatic have to as a Christian. Her words, stop being what everyone is telling you and start listening to your heart and the Holy Spirit. …I hear a song coming on! 🙂

Either way she also told me that I need to start being a spectator because if I continue I will just be part of the problem and not the answer.

…part of the problem??? that’s terrible………but it’s the truth….

I know so many ties where I only helped a person stir up their anger and not come to a true conclusion on how to heal or fix whatever was going on. I didn’t listen to myself or my God who is more important to me than anyone on this planet…and yet he and I have always been second to all of the people in my life.

and so….I’m looking in many avenues and finding out more about myself. It feels practically sinful to wake up and know that today I will not be working but I will be sleeping, dreaming, talking to God, eating and enjoying my life.

and yet the one person who has a right to call it sinful says it’s not…

This was a bit longer so a song is fitting. 😉